| since February 79' i've O.D.'ed on "lonesome" 22 times, but who's counting? |
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Your Heart Won't Heal Right if You keep Tearing
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[07 Apr 2009|04:08pm] |
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Pingin' it
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[12 Dec 2008|09:09pm] |
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I want things to fall into place.
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[27 Jul 2008|06:25pm] |
Whoa, I forgot about my LJ.
It's been a little over a year, time fucking flew,
and everything has changed.
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[06 May 2007|08:24am] |
Oh why can't I be what you need
a new improved version of me
but Im nothing so good
no Im nothing
Just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs
Of violence of Love and of Sorrow
I beg for just one more tomorrow
where youd hold me down, fold you in
deep, deep, deep in the heart of your sins
I break in two over you
Id break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give me breath of life
but you don't see me, you don't
Here Im pinned between darkness and light
bleached and blinded by these nights
where Im tossing and tortured til dawn
by you, visions of you then youre gone
The shock bleeds the red from my face
when I hear someones taken my place
HOW COULD LOVE BE SO THOUGHTLESS SO CRUEL
WHEN ALL, ALL THAT I DID WAS FOR YOU.
Now you see me,
Now you don't.
Now you need me,
Now you don't.
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| Mae |
[16 Feb 2007|12:14pm] |
drowning just as fast as i can
but don't throw me a line
don't reach out your hand
cause Im on the brink of something beautiful
and i want to sing about it
but i dont know where to begin
write it in a letter
but the words don't come out right
Trying to explain how nobody can do me like.
you don't understand how helpless I can get
since the day that we met.
oh can you feel it yet?
it's never been more perfect being alive
i've never been so satisfied. Oh...
I could feel something different for the first time
H e a v e n m a d e s e n s e
and all the words rhymed.
no chance of stopping now
I'm taking it all
And now I'm caught in the air, its a good glide.
Pass it up, wouldn't dare what a wild ride.
I remember being ready and waiting to fall
just like I did tonight.
with just one look you knocked me off of my feet.
so unable to speak. Oh how you made me weak.
though it was a while ago, I still can recall.
that moment so ready, and waiting to fall.
can you take me back in time
remembering when you captured my heart?
over and over again.
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| Valencia says it best. |
[27 Jan 2007|03:09pm] |
well things have been getting kinda heavy these days
tryin to figure out which road to take
there's many decisions to be made
and the only time i feel ok is when i'm in your arms
Youve got me missing you all day long
from the second i wake up to the second my day is done
with every breath that i take in
well ill swear on every inch of my lungs
i'm with you
yeah, i don't how to say this any other way
but every little thing is going to be alright
so baby don't you worry
cause i have got complete faith that things will be ok
it's just for now we sing
so far away from home everythings such a daze
[[no i don't want to go
it hurts to drive away
in the rearview mirror i can see the breaklights hit your face
as your waving me goodbye]]
one good thing about the road
is that it opens up your eyes
it will make you miss your home
and everything that's right
in your heart will be as clear
as the north carolina days
spent realizing who you are
don't ever change
don't ever change
don't ever change
don't ever change
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| More.. Heh |
[16 Jan 2007|11:42pm] |
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More Lyrics to say what I can't...
pretending to remember our last December
and everything it was.
Hoping to fix the broken
stood by the fireplace
the flames lit up my face.
Pretending to recall
the way it was last fall,
for lack of better days.
I think this time of year, you see everything too clear
but still cant understand a thing I cant forget a word_you_said
and everything it meant.
guess all that I can do
Is take back everything that Id given to you. why cant I, just understand
whats inside you?
Is it just guts,
and black stuff?
cause anything that you do or say cannot compare to the pain that I felt ************* kisses are never safe when residue of old love is left
how could I feel lesser when someone better
walks around, waiting for you to call out
urgently trying to stand on broken, confused legs.
emotions catch up with me but
IM TOO FAST FOR THEM *************** I don't know your face no more
Or feel your touch that I adore
I don't know your face no more
It's just a place I'm looking for
We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a different world
We might as well I don't know your thoughts these days
We're strangers in an empty space
I don't understand your heart
It's easier to be apart
We might as well be strangers
Be strangers
For all I know of you now ****************** all this time I never saw the signs
to point me away from this SIMPLE tragedy.
These wax wings were melted before I had my chance to soar. **************** history repeats itself
the smiles off my face
the words are scratched, its hard to read
goodbye corrections to the promises you break
we finally found your honesty's a lie
now youre standing all alone
*****************
tonight i have become,
the useless and the used.
I am in denial.
as you walk away for the last time
could you hear my heart consumed behind you?
as you turn your back from the dying
did you feel the sun burn out inside you?
you set my wings ablaze.
and I hope they love you like I did
**********************
you don't know what you've put me through
it's okay, Ive forgiven you
but in some way,
hope it fucks with you
I'll say no names though Ive wanted to
isn't it strange how it seems
I learned to live without a pride
just a shell, with me stuck inside
a prison, not a place to hide.
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| Nothing Gold can stay and History straight REPEATS |
[16 Jan 2007|05:53am] |
I happen to Love Lyrics.
Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can't explain myself at all.
And all that wants
And all that needs
All I don't want to need at all.
The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
Your finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain
Just a little insight will make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight
Now I'm on my own side
It's better than being on your side
It's my fault when your blind
It's better that I see it through your eyes
All these thoughts locked inside
Now you're the first to know
------------
we gave, we give
but its all for nothing
so let me drown so i can breathe again
i'm through choking and suffocating.
the sudden blur all in slow motion
the broken down and now Im broken
and its sadder than the saddest movie
i ever saw but without the beauty
so i stop watching
i stopped caring
i lost all interest and i stopped wearing
this plastic smile
just was my hands clean
i guess that you FORGOT ABOUT ME
and Im living like the big city feeling
its better than suburban dreaming
well i don't know you anymore
i stopped watching
i stopped caring
cause after all of this
it's all for nothing
****
...And I'm placing all our pictures
in these broken frames to remind me never fall in love again
I'm sorry wont cut it for the rest of your life
get over yourself and say goodbye
I hope you realize you threw away the best thing that ever happened to you
Forget my name and forget my face hope you get on a plane and forget this place
So I never have to deal with you again
And away we go
and I hope that you know
that one day, we will all be alone
Maybe now I'll figure out
that life is one big question how am I supposed to grow
when I'm stuck inside this state well I'll never know
Your falling faster then the shooting star you wished your body on
And I never felt so high as my back is to the ground
And we're staring at the stars making faces at the clouds
But all those days are gone the memories put to rest
And if you want to see my youth your gonna have to dig deep in my chest
I'm sorry wont cut it for the rest of your life
get over yourself and say goodbye
I hope you realize you threw away the best thing that ever happened to you
------
crystal clear I see the rose is frail
the thorns inside hide in its beauty
as i go to grasp it in my hand
my heart is TORN beating from my chest
let me be captivated by your beauty
then let me fall from your grace
unto my broken knees
close my eyes SO TIGHTLY
the tears are welling up
you arent worth the waste
of salt
or
the
water.
FUCK all your false beauty..
it was t r a n s p a r e n t
Just
Like
your
SMILE
i have watched you retrogress
i have seen what youve become-liar
TAKE YOUR EYES OFF ME
its funny how freen eyes fade gray- liar.
and you are deceit
just wither away
real beauty is forever
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[27 Nov 2006|02:48am] |
It's Our 1 Year today.. : )
and it's been the best year ever.
AJ's the most amazing person in the world
and I love him to pieces.
I made him a sweet 43795345 page scrapbook. He loved it ; )
I got an IPOD! I love it.
I can't wait to shop for him and everyone else for Xmas.
Thanksgiving was aweomse. Minus the horrid hangover. The Night Thanksgiving was better
I had 3 altogether...one on Black Friday with friends and leftovers
we're gay HaHa.
Mmmm. I love food.
♥
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| Nothing Gold can Stay |
[13 Nov 2006|03:15am] |
Due to popular demand [cought Jackie] I am writing a new entry because apparently that's the only way Im allowed to keep the link to this in my profile.
So here it is:
It is now November. Graduation was awesome, Senior Week was better. Summer flew by so quick that I can't even remember what I did. I went to OC a bunch to visit Jackie in her house, had an Awesome 4th of July in Jackies backyard, Loved AJ and going on our year on the 27th, Many bonfires [but they just weren't the same] Drank...A lot. But that doesn't come to a great suprise now does it? Attended parties...Aj got a new job at Cingular and works ALL THE TIME. Including weekends which was hard to get used to on account that he used to have all weekends off. Ashley moved in with her sister to an Appt. in White marsh. Kt moved to her upstairs room. I got my Lip pierced. HCC started up in September. I joined the HCC cheerleading team. Fall has came and is quickly moving on to Winter. I had a party on OCT 28 for my birthday in Jackies basement. It was huge. I mean huge. And an awesome time...until 6 side mirrors [including mine] got ripped off our cars at the end of the night. I turned 18 on Halloween. Went to the strip club this week..got some black titties in my face and the girl flashed me.. Jesus. Attended lots of shows through out these 5 months. Lots of thursday CVP nights in towson with ALex, Steph, Jackie and them. Got my nose pierced and could sign for myself. AJ got another tat and we spent the day in Fells this week. Ive been swamped with homework and Papers to write. It's been good. I know Im forgeting a WHOLE lot, but that's what excessive drinking does to you..not really. But Not keeping up with a journal will do this to you. I just hope this site doesn't crash like the DiaryX site did that held my journal for 2 years of my life. Those 2 years are now down the internet drain : ( I will never remember what happened back in the early high school days.
I love my friends.
And my boyfriend.
And my life.
Even though it throws some stupid shit at me sometimes.
Pictures will be posted soon.
Im sick and it's 2:15am. So that's probably why this post sounded gay if you were wondering that.
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[02 Oct 2006|12:11am] |
If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.
If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.
If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.
If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.
For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.
There will always be another day
to say "I love you,"
And certainly there's another chance
to say our "Anything I can do?"
But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.
So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,
That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.
So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear
Take time to say "I'm sorry,"
"Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.
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[16 Jun 2006|02:55pm] |
Senior Week was a fucking blast.
Jaheyzues Christensen.
Missing Bonarroo. Should've went. Don't know why I didn't. they all left yesterday and the such. But Megs Grad party is todays. SamRichmonds tommorrow. Lindseys 21st sunday and such. Good times. I still need my own car.
Ive been busy with taking/editing lots of pictures. Just did a photoshoot with Mak! Haha you should ask me if you want one :] Trying to build lots of photos into books.
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[01 Jun 2006|10:44am] |
Im leaving to go GRADUATE!!!
WTF.
YEAH C/O 2006!
so weird. it's actually happening.
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[27 May 2006|02:36pm] |
Happy 6 Month Ageison! Haha
Yesterday was Senior Awards and our last graduation practice. We have our senior trip on tuesday and graduation on thursday. So we'll never have to really go back into the school again. We're pretty much fucking done. I love it. It's great. :]
Jackies grad. party's today. I needs ta gets ready
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| How is everyone so b l i n d . |
[23 May 2006|11:38pm] |
Im upset. Im realizing a lot of things about my closer friends.
I feel rather alone these days.
Im not saying AJ isn't enough, he's the best and Im greatful for him, it's just weird.
These were the people who stuck together when new and older friends were coming and going.
My best friends. For years.
We were supposed to be together forever.
...and we're actually growing up. growing apart. changing. after knowing these people deeply for at least 6 years, some up to 11 years.
it's scary.
and depressing.
esp. since Im not that open of a person, these are the only people i've fully opened up to in all these years. Ill never find people this comfortable, people this close
I don't want to be alone. I want to have fun. But I don't have many people to have fun with.
Oh yeah, and I don't want to be alone...
On an up note, I love AJ like crazy.
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| Today was, well ... adventurous. |
[06 May 2006|03:18am] |
Im bored and I can't sleep...so Im updating. It's 2:56am. Friday night, technically saturday morning if you want to be all specific.
After school Jaq came and got me and we headed down to towson for a Girls night with Steph and Linds. We hit traffic on the way and saw some pretty fucked up cars. We got there, hung around for a while til Lindsey got back. After discussing sexual topics for quite some time, we decided to take some shots before we went out to Bill Batemans around 7:30/8ish? Mind you, we all haven't eaten since 11am. Twas fun. Fucking bratty kids, bitchy old ladies, and not realizing how long we took to order our food. It was a damn zoo. And the giant cookie. Best thing we have EVER tasted, cooked on its own skillet! Damn.
Next stop: Porn shop. Enough said. We love it. Twidders everywhere! and Wabbits! aha. After laughing with some fellow shoppers, and noticing the perves, we scaddled out of there. Back to the Towson appt. Pad. Bridget and her boyfriend "Grills" welcomed us back. Where they were earlier, we have no idea.
We got situated and made some screw drivers in sand pales. Played some circle of death or kings, be you have it. Took pics, laughed with grills, made some cranberry stuff, drank through crazy straws, man down with some cards overboard...in the sand pales of alcy. Danced to hip hop, not slow jams.
Had some down time and tried to figure out our next plan of action. Lots of ideas came and went, til Grills finally said he could get us into a bar. So we said...okay. We leave Linds behind because Nate returned from his Cinco De Mayo adventures. So Jaq, Steph and I follow Bridget and Grills to her car. They're both drunk, Grills got out of Jail and has no license, or no car, and decided to drive Bridges ... so Jaq and I rode with Steph.
We follow the 5 speed car up the steepest hill to get out of the appts. and Grills [in front of us] starts to roll back. Now we can't tell if he's trying to scare us, or just can't drive a stick ... so we back up since it looks like he's about to bakc into us. We're moving at pretty fast speeds and this keeps happening so we pull back into the appts, and go around them to the other side [ thinking maybe they were just kidding and will drive away, or will stop, or so that they can get their shit togethter]. Well as we pull back aruond to see where theyre at, I say "I bet theyre gonna come speeding the opp. direction towards us to scare us more."
Low and behold, we pull around to see them RIGHT next to us, at the bottom of the hill, backed UP onto the hill. Full car. Everything. On the hill. We were stunned. Laughing. Taking pics. Felt bad. But Grills is a tard. Nice Celica too. Fucked up. kdsklfjs;f. It was just crazy and unreal. We got Linds and Nate out, and they tried to help but Grills can't cooperate. So they go back inside since they can't deal with him. We stand there shocked as they try and call towing companys. Most of them were closed. We pretty much thought they weren't going anywhere. It was dug into the ground and just in a horrid position. We go and sit in the car and 10 mins later, after much time had past with them, we hear a loud skkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeeeeettttscreech. Grills made it out by himself?! AND IS DRIVING HER CAR STILL. They leave to GO TO THE BAR AS PLANNED!? WITH HIM STILL DRIVING! He even started drifting back a little on the hill a second time. We basically followed them til we lost them accidentally. Thought that every cop had pulled them over.
So we drive back to Bel Air where we go to meet Brad and a bunch of his friends at one of their appts. Kicked back for a while with them before we called it a night.
I don't know why I wrote all this, but it was a memorable night
sksa;fs;f Im tired.
"I don't like this music." [In reference to the operator elevator type music] -Grills
"If I had 3 hands Id bitch slap all three of you in the face right now" -Nathanael
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[24 Apr 2006|02:00am] |
Prom was on Saturday, it was a good time. I love my friends. It missed Sarah. Graduation is the next thing to look foward too.
I went to Florida last week...it was AwEsOmE. Haha. Wish I could go back to the beach to see my bestest and all, with my other bestys. Lol.
Other than that, things are pretty good.
:]
I need sleep though, it's 2am and I gotta be up at 6:30.
Heh.
Kisses
are
NEVER SAFE
when
R E S I D U E
of
old love
is left.
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| It's been a long time since Ive wrote in here. |
[27 Mar 2006|10:00am] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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I love you AJ. Ive had the best 4 months with you :]
you mean the world to me
skufhdsklks;fs
Happy 4 months!
Mak and I have got ourself a photoshoot to go to in an hour
Im excited ... and it's nice out. Woop!
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| jfkl'jdgfjdlk |
[08 Jan 2006|05:37pm] |
So Sarahs stay at my house for the 10 days was fun. I miss her already :[
Cause like she was always there when there was nothing else to do, I have more fun having someone always with me. Shes like a sister.
Erm, but
Hung at the shop [havent seen those kids in ages], Drank muchos at AJs with everyone, New Years at Alex's place in towson with everyone, 1 dollar bowling with eaves and that whole crowd [again long time no see], out to eat at every possible resturaunt. Saw wedding crashers in theatre, and the Geisha movie. Saw Jim and had a werid encounter with them, must say theyve all changed. Tonys house with people I met for the first time, they were pretty darn cool. Went with them all to Philly last night to watch street racing and run from the cops . Didn't get a sub though. Drank and Puked some more. Haha, but I must say it was worth it. Bunches of other stuff but I can't really quite recall.
I didnt go to school on friday, so Ive got a lot of shit to do tonight.
Back to school tomorrow and the normal life without sarah. :/ haha
It's okay cause AJs awesome. :*
I really want to go see Hostel.
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| ...youre losing a saviour and a saint... |
[28 Dec 2005|12:19am] |
Today I just kind of chilled out.
Ran a few errands, got a few things, killed time.
Then ended up going to AJs for a few hours.
That's always a big ":]"
It was our one month, how cute. Lol
And since it's 1:16am, technically,
SARAH COMES TO VISIT TONIGHT!
This week is going to be fun.
I miss my other half. DIrectConnection T.-->
watch out. ;P
uhm. So yeah. Im thinking the hot tub will be up for dibs this week.
That is all. Im going to sleep.
xoxo
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